Why do i write?

• I wonder sometimes sitting in my apartment and looking out of the window or sometimes walking across the yard and try to answer this question that keeps me pondering and I sometimes even ask myself if I’m the one who actually writes what I write? When I read something I had written about six months ago I am astonished and amazed at the beautiful words that have been written by me. Sometimes I just can’t believe if I have actually written all the things that I have written. Then I think of myself as the writer I’ve become and come back to realization and this question replaces the other one.

• Why do I write? I write because I have to. I write because I was born to.

• I write because I dream, I feel and I realize that this is one thing I’ll have forever along with my solitude. I write because I can express myself best this way. I write to feel the pain that I have held inside me for eternity up until now. I write because I know of nothing else in this wild world that gives me more pleasure than reading a beautiful story I’ve written. I write because it makes me feel proud of the gift that I’m born with. I write to relive my memories. I write because I live in the past that I never want to forget. I write for faith, I write for love and I write to give pleasure to others. I write because I feel the love within myself. I write to awaken myself of nightmares and I write to feed my imagination. I write because I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I write because I have always loved my company more than any one else’s. I write to restore light to the darkness inside our compelled brains. I write to unleash the force that keeps us holding back. I write because I want to jump out of the window sometimes and fall of f the ladder, yet I have no one to listen to me. I write because I hope for a better tomorrow but I know that tomorrow will be what today is. I write to feel the pain of my loved ones and I write to describe their joy and their feelings. I write because I want the world to write with me. I write to make all my dreams become reality. I write to rewrite my past and make it look different. I write to win what I have lost in my life and I write to become a hero, in my real life that I can’t.

• I write because I feel the music in my writing. I write because I feel this is one thing that can bring me closer to my soul and this is the only thing that I have to fulfill my unimaginable wishes. I write sometimes to think of what I was and what I have become. Then again I write sometimes knowing what I am and where I wanted to go. I write because I know somewhere out there, exists someone who would be a reader of sorts who would in all probability ventures out his wilderness to read what I have written. I write because I’m sacred, haunted by my past that will come to get me in the future. I write sometimes to shock myself. I write in despair I write in hope and I write sometimes to feel what it feels of a life that is endless. I write to imagine what it feels to live without writing. I write to succumb to a painful amount of love that I knew I couldn’t take. I write to come to terms with my belief that has never left me. I write to cherish a treasure of different sorts. I write to find my way back into this world, this world of my own. I write to realize what I have lost. I write to know what I have gained and I write to make sure that I don’t lose anymore. I write because I feel like crying and pouring out all on this piece of paper. I write because I know I can’t do this anymore and sometimes I still wonder why I write. I write because I have no reason to, yet I write.

I write because I have to. I write because I was born to.

Free Writing 8 - words

1. Fatigue
2. Dread
3. Bridge
4. Vermillion
5. Excellence
6. Concern

1. Fatigue: Death is imminent I have no choice but to go on. Belief is lost; darkness is bellowing inside my brain and surrounding my nerves with fear. The fear of loss. It took a lot of courage for me to do what I did. Years of hard work put into this. I have struggled with many skirmishes. I have had a dream of winning this one event that I cherished up until today. Running 800 miles is no piece of cake. That too without a stopover is the worst challenge that I could ever imagine taking up. Now that I am here, today is the day. Forgiven are all the woes of the past, for today fatigue is just a word. I chose to live for today, for death is imminent. Today is the day worth living for, shadows of weakness entangles me so strong. They cast upon me their chains, ones that tie me down so fast that getting up is not an option. Yet I choose to fight, fight this monster inside me and I want to survive. “Survive to see the finish line, go past that mark, and feel the accomplishment that will push me to the end of glory,” I say to myself. I have no choice. Today is the day. I must go on…
2. Dread: I feel the pain and the heat today. Misery is something I wish I would have felt forever. Dreams are something that wont leave me that easy. I have to understand what comes so easy won’t stay for long. I have many choices to make and I can’t go back on my word. I really hope that this works out but what if it doesn’t. I don’t know how to imagine a life without this dream of mine. I hope for some respite but don’t know if that would work out. I feel the breath under my wings as I struggle to fly. I imagine the sky beautiful, deep blue but I see the dark clouds every day. I despise the darkness yet I live with it in a glimmer of hope that someday it would change. I feel like I’m falling from the sky and every bone in my body would splatter once I touch the ground. I can sense the danger as each time I think of this dream of mine. But all I do is hold on to the world that I have built for myself and hope for a change… A change for better tomorrow.
3. Bridge: I wait for her at the top. I look around and I see many more images of girls just like her. I think of her deeply and imagine how much love I had for her. I wait thinking that she would come back. I don’t know if she will ever be back. But I know for a fact that if it wasn’t for the distance, this never would have happened. I would not have let this happen. But then I think about the past and try to dream and imagine how this belief I had in love has changed. I still try to have the same belief but the mind does not let me to. I give it a thought many times and try to be optimistic but that one thing sets me back. Any thing I want is something I would get, but this is something I never got and this is the worst loss I would have had in my life. Something that I would regret losing for quite a while. But I still wait for her at the top, wait to see if she’s coming…
4. Vermillion: I look out of the window and the sky is beautiful. Sunsets are more enjoyable than sunrise as they give me a reason to wait for. The dark night is coming but the darkness is a battle. A battle I hope to win for tomorrow my war would be won. The sunset gives me joy more than the sunrise for it brings the struggles of my life in a shade of glory. A color that preaches me to bring about some justice to life shattered without any glory. The dusk is my winner. I feel every little tincture in that sky is enchanting my life’s canvas. I hope for the night to come so that I could dream away to glory and live for a tomorrow that I know will go back into the vermillion yet again. The clouds don’t scare me anymore for this color is my glory.
5. Excellence: Glory awaits at the end of the line. Dreams fulfilled tomorrow at your success. Nothing more satisfying than a dream come true. Nothing more sweet than the sweet joy of victory. Imagine the world without excellence. No one at the top, no winners no losers. Can’t do that. Reach out to build an image to take you to no. 1. Work hard and fight to achieve the goal that you been dreaming of. One shot and you are there. One wrong move and you are on the other end of the world hoping you’d excelled. Great victories don’t come by just like that. Excellence is mixture of real hard work and a little bit of luck, they say. I really hope that is true for that little bit of luck sometimes runs away and then what would you do?
6. Concern: I don’t know what to do about her. I feel sorry for her but I still don’t know what to do. She has no idea what she’s done. I feel bad for her but I still hope for the best. I hope she realizes what she has done and does something to set things right. I dream for the best to happen to her, but in the end, it’s not in my hands. I hope that things work out for her and it’s not as bad as it may seem to be.

• © Copyright 2008 Srini. All rights reserved

Free Writing 7 - around the corner - 1st Person POV

• I was working late that night and had to go home at around midnight. I decided to take a cab from the taxi stand which was just around the corner. I got down from my office and I was walking towards the taxi stand. It was dark that night. Pitch black I could say. I could see a few people going towards the highway and thinking about what a bad day they had had. I could see a few bikes parked near the alley where there is a no parking zone and if it was daylight these bikes would have been towed away. If I would have finished my work, at least fifteen minutes earlier I would have been able to catch the last train to my place. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Since I had to catch a cab, I needed cash. So I decided to stop by and withdraw some money from the ATM. I was nearing the ATM and that’s when I saw something happen. A young lean boy with strong forearms and jaws was hurling abuses at the cops who were sitting at the railway station. He was short and slim. He had slender thighs and seemed like an athlete ready to sprint his way towards glory if the cops came to catch him. I did not know what they had done to him but he was standing at a fair distance away from the cops and yelling out to them. Challenging them to catch him. He was deeply disturbed and very abusive. He just wanted to vent out every bit of frustration that he had inside of him. That’s when one of the cops hurled a lathi at him. He ducked and evaded it. Another cop came running to him and this guy just ran like crazy.

• He stumbled a bit but got back onto his feet and escaped in darkness. Later as I would know he was arrested and taken to police station, but it certainly took a police jeep to get hold of him as our pot bellied cops were no match to his pace and were just a bunch of spectators in this escapade of his.

© Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved

Free Writing 6 - Around the corner - 3rd person POV

• Samir was walking in the lane beyond the 3rd cross of Hosur. He loked around and could see the dark shadows of dogs beside the garbage bin. The dogs were lurking around the bin, trying to scavenge for leftovers. He could see the rugged men and women sleeping on the footpath, with ragged clothes and patched shawls.

• Beneath the dimness he saw a young boy digging his teeth into half a piece of leftover corn, savoring whatever he could. Samir could feel the cold wind hit below his knees. He had got down to buy some pav for his grandmother at dawn. The bakery was just around the corner and it was around 5:00 AM on a cold winter morning. He was looking at the dogs as they were struggling scampily to dish out whatever they could find. He could also see a few vans up on the highway, which were out to deliver milk to all the people of that small town. Suddenly he sawa a black scorpio, zipping past in the crazed madness and dashed into the lamp post over the footpath. In a split second, the groggy drunk driver ran over the people who were in a deep slumber on a Sunday morning.

• © Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved

Free Writing 5 - search of a character

• I scanned my pockets thoroughly. It was not there. I looked behind the drawer, tossed all the files out, removed all books in there, and threw them out. I looked inside the shirt and pant pockets of all the trousers that were in the clothesbasket. Alas, it was not there. I was wondering where I kept it. I was ruffling up the closet with anxiety and felt like I could give anything to anyone who helped me find this all-important digital device, my USB flash drive.

• It contained all the writing and documents that I had saved. I had decided to reformat my laptop. If I lost the pen drive as well, then years of hard work and creativity would go to drain. I was thinking hard, trying to recollect where I had kept the pen drive. I was trying to retrace my steps and with a great deal of desperation, I tried to focus and concentrate on the task. I looked beneath the sofa, behind the television stand, below the study table, the bed but to my disappointment, I could not find it anywhere. I was cursing myself that I forgot to keep the pen drive back into my bag that I carry to office every day. I had no idea where I kept it. I felt helpless and exhausted after this extensive search. I did not know what I would do. I was almost in tears, for this meant a lot to me. With a heavy heart, I decided to call it night and go to sleep when the phone rang.


• “Hello”


• “Srini, Neha here.”


• “Yes Neha tell me.”


• “You forgot your pen drive in the computer. I have it with me, I’ll give it tomorrow.”

• A sigh of relief and the heavy heart eased out. I slept with peace that night.

• © Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved

Free Writing 4 - Mannerism

• I look at him every day through those grills. The bars of the cage makes me flounder to get a picture of him. He is very timid and most of the times he just sits around in the cage staring at the television which I keep watching everyday not knowing whether he really understands what I am watching. Mostly, World Movies. He blinks his eyes just sways his neck and his claws perched on a swing inside the cage. He gets down as soon as he sees that there are chilies, chapattis or fruits tossed inside his cage. Slowly he pecks at the food inside the cage, with relish enjoys the few bites and drinks the water on the other tray in his cage and goes back to his sweet spot, the swing on which he perches himself gracefully and goes back and forth with the swaying of his neck. In the evening, I open the doors of the cage and let him out so that he can play outside take a walk in the room and play around. But he prefers to struggle his way up and climb on top of the cage and jump around on the cage.

• When I call his name, he looks at me but does not respond much except for a timid crawl back and forth on top of the cage and again he wanders off in his own world. Sometimes inside the cage, he pecks at himself, scratching his wings and trying to get rid of the fleas probably. After he has had a bath, he shakes his body vigorously to get rid of all the water that his body has soaked. I guess he doesn’t’ enjoy his showers much. When he is asleep, he seems like a peaceful bird perched on the swing in his tranquil, the most content creature in this entire universe. Meet Sam, my newest pal and my pet parrot!

• © Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved

Free Writing 3 - Character Description

• 
  
  As I walk past the door, I look at her before I realize what I saw I take a peek at her one more time. A tiny glance and I could not believe what I saw. She was there onstage in a blue chiffon saree draped in the most adorable way; I could hear her walk as her beautiful feet with red nail paint clinked with the sound of payal. She looks stunning with her long hair let loose and decorated with the gajra with a fragrance that enchants my sensations to a wild trip to paradise. Her eyes are brown with a tinge of black as she looks at the sunset across the window. She has beautiful eyelashes, which curve nicely and make her eyes look amazingly vibrant. One of the most amazing features she has is her beautiful lips that tell so many stories and one could just be lost in them forever.

• 
  
  Her lips need no gloss or any cosmetics for they are so beautiful that you would lose yourself in wilderness watching them sway as she sings to the beautiful melody of the Veena that she plays in the room. While she strums the strings, there is music to our ears not only through the beautiful instrument but also through the clink of the chunk of bangles that she is wearing. A beautiful gold necklace with an Iranian design bought by her uncle from Persia stunningly compliments her innocent smile that shines across the entire room as all of us hear her sing. As I watch her, I fall deeper into her eyes and I look at her nicely tanned skin which makes her look so smooth that I keep falling deeper into a dream, one that takes me to a different world altogether. Her long earrings seen while she nods her head to the sur Taal and make them dance to the rhythm of the tablaa playing in the background. They add to her look and take you back to the pristine palaces of the great Maharajas where apsaras and nritkis used to royally enchant the courtrooms of our monarchs. When I took a glance, her aura was so staggeringly bright that I just got lost in the immense beauty, felt like it was nothing but a dream…

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  © Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved
  
  
  
  

Free Writing 2 - Outside the Window

• Otherwise a very hectic Monday and really tiring day at work I was thinking of unwinding before I left all my problems at work. Melancholy Monday is better described than a manic one. Sometimes I lose track of this time and think of so many things and I really want that experience to give me joy on an otherwise heavy day to start off my week. Viola, Mr. Thomas Edison’s light bulb and I decided to gaze across the star-studded view outside my office on an extended shift post 7:30 PM. I thought of free writing and here I am writing about something that is at present giving me a lot of solace. Airplanes in the sky, huge towers and little gateways of lights making my view from the enormous window right in front of my desk is really amazing. Gives me the feeling of real ecstasy. Feels like growing wings and taking a tour right across the window. Yes this is something I want to write. Sometimes I wonder there are so many things in life that trouble you.

• On a troubled day as such how do we find respite? There are so many things that can actually be your savior. Something as beautiful as the view outside my office never was an eye catcher until today. Only because Renu gave us this assignment that I thought of really paying attention to the fine details of the view, a breathtaking one I must admit. Something that is so serene and joyous that makes me forget about my worries. Something like this if it becomes the focal point of yours for even a few minutes really refreshes your mind and as I watch the cars whizz across the signal, hawkers selling gas balloons, candy floss, youngsters finishing endless number of rounds of an interview probably waiting anxiously for their results which they won’t know until they haven’t had a sleepless night, people waiting to get on to a bus to head towards their homes after a tiring day of work and the taxi drivers smoking bidi’s down below and waiting for their fares I get a sense of observation that gives me a broader perspective of people who face deeper and bigger issues that they have to deal with.

• I look at so many lights across the window on towers which are constructed within a span of six to seven months in this rush of the concrete jungle that is engulfing the entire city and rapidly spreading like wildfire. I wonder sometimes where we will end up being in this jungle town of ours. I only hope that this peaceful silence that is about to begin with my journey back home never ends as I shield myself inside a soundproof window pane on looking the troubled and disdained people who, to make their living without knowing what they have in store for them…

© Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved

Free Writing 1 - Shoe

• Silver is what I always loved. Somewhere at the back of my mind I imagined if the craving for the colour would be as much as it’s worthier counterpart, ‘Gold.’ Whoever decided to make gold more valuable than silver must have never understood what this colour stood for. But who cares. I have this silver shoe kept on a chair and I'm still wondering where my 'princess' is? The beauty that I had ever dreamt of as my beautiful partner, my soul. She's out there somewhere. She's lost her shoe but I really want to find out where she's gone?

• The shine this shoe sheds on my face is something that makes me wonder if that's what Im looking for in my dull and otherwise gloomy life. I ponder across the hall and dream of the beautiful things that have taken place in this life of mine. Does this shoe and the search depict my journey to find my Cinderella? Will it be a triumphant one or would she just be lost in the lonliness of her own...

© Copyright 2009 Srini. All rights reserved